Troll 2

[00:00:05] Speaker A: Hello and welcome to the Pugsley Crew Reviews podcast where we talk about all manner of films, whether they're good, bad or anywhere in between really. Today we have returning guest which is Kerr 9000. [00:00:21] Speaker B: Hello. Happy to be here. [00:00:23] Speaker A: How are you doing, dude? [00:00:26] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm doing quite well, thanks. How are you doing? [00:00:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm doing good. I'm doing good now. Better. Just been out for a bite to eat and a pint and it was very tasty. And then I had chocolate fudge cake with ice cream for dessert. It was yummy. I don't think I'll need to eat for the rest of the day now. Stuffed. But that's how it, isn't it? Just eating all the time. Well, not eating all the time, that sounds weird. So today we are going to be talking about a film called Troll 2 and well love it really. And Troll 2 we're going to be talking about Troll 2 and it's not a good film, is it? [00:01:29] Speaker B: Oh, it's often referred to as the best worst movie ever to the degree there was a documentary made about it called something like the best worst movie ever. [00:01:38] Speaker A: Wow. I wouldn't say it's the best worst. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Movie ever, but it's considered so bad. It's good. [00:01:42] Speaker A: It is so bad. I said our Mrs. Give me the stinking as look when I said that. But when we were watching I said this is so bad it's good kind of movie. And she just looked at me and say, no, you idiot. [00:01:56] Speaker B: Wow. But yeah, I think Cocaine Shark makes this seem like Citizen Kane though. [00:02:03] Speaker A: Yeah. The thing with Cocaine Shark is compared to this, like this kept me interested throughout because of how it was but in a funny way. Whereas Cocaine Shark I thought was funny for a small period of time and then I just got bored. [00:02:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:02:23] Speaker A: So there you go. [00:02:24] Speaker B: Cocaine Shark should have been a 15 minute sketch really. [00:02:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:27] Speaker B: Just oh, there's a monster and a man walking in with a paper mache shark head on and you know, that would have been funny enough. It well outstayed its welcome. [00:02:36] Speaker A: I would agree with you completely. This film was. Came out in the 90s. Right. But like, yeah, the very first notes, actually I actually did write some notes down for this film and the first one's like this is very 80s in the music style choices they've picked because they started the really 80s kind of intro music and I was like, damn, when Was this made? 1982. Oh no, 1990. [00:03:05] Speaker B: The reason for that is that that I think the person who did the music. [00:03:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:11] Speaker B: Did it all on One of those Corg synthesizers. And it. I think it was pretty much a one person job. And I know one of the tracks in the film is actually one of the Corg's demo samples, but sped up. [00:03:24] Speaker A: All right. Jesus Christ. [00:03:25] Speaker B: Really low effort soundtrack, which is probably why it feels like a decade too old. [00:03:31] Speaker A: Yeah, that is shocking. Basically, this film is about a kid who speaks to his dead grandfather who likes to tell him scary stories about goblins. [00:03:47] Speaker B: Yep. [00:03:49] Speaker A: His grandfather's name is Seth. I did start writing names down. Then I forgot to write them down. The kid's name is Joshua. His sister is Holly. Grandfather is Seth. And the other names I wrote down was Credence, Crazy druid lady. Who isn't a druid lady. And the other one was Sheriff Freak. But yeah, so you got Seth, who died like six months prior, is telling this kid ghost stories. Well, stories about goblins. And the family's like, duh, you need to. You get over this. Your grandfather died six months ago. Stop being this way. And it's like six months isn't that long really. When you. If you're really close to someone and they pass away, it's not that long. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Nah. I think for a young kid that loves their grandparents, six months. A blink in the eye in it. [00:04:46] Speaker A: Exactly. But no, he was told to grow up and stop speaking to fake ghosts, which he is real. Because he's spotted later on in the film by Joshua's sister Holly in a mirror. And it's like, ah, that was a scream. Probably. Probably was something crap like that. And then she freaks out saying about cna and everyone's like, oh, he's just stupid. And obviously Josh was like, see, I told you I wasn't making it up. That's fair. But we're skipping. We skipping ahead there within like five minutes of watching the film. I was like, this is really, really cheesy. Yeah, because it is really cheesy, isn't it? [00:05:35] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, definitely. [00:05:37] Speaker A: Yeah. And obviously you have the. You kind of get to meet the family. The sisters doing weights. The mother and father are just like in the living room booking a trip to Nilbog, which is goblin spelled backwards. [00:05:57] Speaker B: Yeah. It didn't take long to realize that one, did it? [00:06:00] Speaker A: No, it took them a long time to realize that one. But this is the kingdom of goblins. Well, why would they name a goblin? Would you think they'd name it like the kingdom of something? Or they wouldn't just. I would just use our names and put it in reverse. It's like peds. And then I Get a town and name it. I don't know. Zep, Anybogs. See, the dog agrees. It's stupid, right? This is the. [00:06:32] Speaker B: Pretty sure the Simpsons parodied that at one point. [00:06:35] Speaker A: Did they? I think they probably are. [00:06:38] Speaker B: There's something with a backwards town name. [00:06:41] Speaker A: Probably the Simpsons have parried most things. [00:06:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:06:45] Speaker A: Probably everything. Including herself. Right. For me, my first what the fuck? Moment in this was Holly's boyfriend comes into her bedroom. He then gets kneed in the balls and then asks her if she wants him to turn into a homo. What? The actual. [00:07:13] Speaker B: That just shows how old the film is, for one, don't it? [00:07:16] Speaker A: It does show how old the film is, but also, I don't think that's how it works. I think. I think if that was the case, about 98 of men would be homosexual. [00:07:31] Speaker B: But I mean, this film was written by a husband and wife who were Italian, who, from what I can gather, don't have a full grasp of the English language. [00:07:42] Speaker A: Right. That would make sense. [00:07:44] Speaker B: It was supposed to be turning him into a eunuch or something. I don't know. Because as well, the cast are English or, well, American that, you know, speak English. [00:07:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Nearly all of the crew were Italian, apart from one woman that could speak English, who I think was a costume designer or makeup or something. She had to translate everything between everybody. [00:08:09] Speaker A: All right? [00:08:10] Speaker B: And the Italian director who'd written it demanded that everything must be spoken as he'd written it. Even when people said, this isn't how people talk, or this doesn't make a lick of sense, he was pretty much like, no, you don't mess with my masterpiece. [00:08:29] Speaker A: Masterpiece. Yeah. Masterpiece is what I would call this film. The, the. The. This is the best film I've ever seen. Yeah. Masterpiece. [00:08:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:42] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. So after that, all right, the sister and Holly and her boyfriend arguing and like, oh, you need to pick between your friends and me. And I'm thinking to myself, that's a bit mean. Can you have friends? And he. And she's like, you know, if you, if you want to be with me, you need to come to Nilbog with us. I was thinking, that's weird. Like, the family don't even like the guy, and yet they're on about taking him on a trip for some reason. Why all of a sudden. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Yeah. No, it's bizarre. I mean, that you'd call it a coercive relationship nowadays, wouldn't you? [00:09:23] Speaker A: Yeah, you would. Yeah. So I, I don't understand what was going on there. But I, I, I. There's certain things that are like, nah, that's weird. But then if you saying it's written we by an Italian who doesn't really have a full grasp of English, then it's kind of understandable that things are a bit wonky. Not watch that. That just seems like shitty behavior more than badly written stuff. But not right. When they write the. The wait for the boyfriend the next day because he said he'd turn up, you know, and be there for her. They waited an extra hour and a half and he didn't turn up. So they left without him. But in the film, it shows him with his friends and they've gone in a campervan to the same place or, you know, he still went. He just went with his friends, you know, he should be able to have both. [00:10:27] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:29] Speaker A: So there you go. But one of the things I found funny was the. The scene in the film where they're on the wheel to Nilbog and they. He. The kids having a dream. Joshua is where he's at food. Well, well, they say, no, you've stuffed your face and then he starts turning into a plant. Plant. Half plant, half man. Because half plant, half human then. Because that's what goblins like to eat for some weird reason. [00:11:01] Speaker B: Isn't that strange when you think about it? These goblins are turning people into plants to eat them. Why don't you just eat plants? [00:11:10] Speaker A: Exactly. Because they're vegetarian as well. They don't have meat and stuff. But yet it doesn't make sense. [00:11:19] Speaker B: No, it's really illogical. I mean, and you could have solved it with a bit of scripting. You could have said that what they enjoy and what they get the taste from is a suffering or something. You know, I mean, there's. There's ways you could have worked it, but it just comes across weird that we're gonna turn somebody flesh into plant to eat them because we only eat plants. [00:11:42] Speaker A: Yeah, that was kind of like just. Just eat the plant. Just go outside and eat. Like the. The story that's told originally is about man being chased by goblins and tricked by a woman and then turned into half plant, half human and then being eaten. But what I don't understand is, is they were in a massive forest. Why didn't they just eat the plants in the forest? [00:12:09] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:12:11] Speaker A: There's loads of plants there. And they didn't like the humans eating meat because it ruins the taste. So just eat a plant. They don't eat meat except for like a Venus fly trap or so on and so forth. They eat bugs. [00:12:25] Speaker B: I Had to laugh. And this is an insight for people in how this works. But when you were messaging me about this film and you said, you've got one first question you're gonna have to ask me. [00:12:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:36] Speaker B: I think you remember what that question is. [00:12:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Why is this film called Troll 2. [00:12:43] Speaker B: When there's not a single troll in it? [00:12:46] Speaker A: There is no troll. The game, the film. I almost said game. Then the film should be called Goblin. [00:12:56] Speaker B: Apparently the film was gonna be called Goblin or something on the lines of Goblins. But there was a very minorly successful film in 1986 called Troll. [00:13:08] Speaker A: Alright. [00:13:09] Speaker B: So basically they wanted to connect this film to that film to convince people that had seen the other film to watch doesn't have any connection to it whatsoever. But they just thought by name it. It's like me going out and saying, I've made Die Hard 7 because people might watch it because they've seen Die Hard, which is a weird thing that happens with Italian. I mean, this film was made, I think, in America, but by Italian crews and stuff. But a lot of Italian films, they will just name them stuff that it's not. When dawn of the Dead came out in Italy, they called it Zombie. [00:13:51] Speaker A: Right. [00:13:52] Speaker B: There's a thing after that that there were zombie films being made and when they were being sold to different regions, instead of calling them whatever they were called, they kept getting called Zombie two, Zombie three, Zombie. None of them were connected. It's just a really bizarre Italian thing that they think if we try and tack it onto a series, whether it is or not, people are, oh, I want to see more of that. [00:14:17] Speaker A: Weird. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Yeah, it's crazy. [00:14:21] Speaker A: Yeah. It's kind of like tricking people to watch a film. [00:14:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:25] Speaker A: Thinking, oh, it's gonna be. Oh, it's gonna be a nice sequel to a good film, Troll, which I've never seen. And there's nothing to do. I don't know. Seems pointless. Troll 2, nothing to do with trolls. It's funny, though, because we were halfway through the film and I said, when's a troll gonna turn up? [00:14:49] Speaker B: I don't actually remember if I've ever seen. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Hello? Yeah, you cut out by there. [00:15:04] Speaker B: Oh, dear. I just. It's weird that, you know, this film's more famous now than Troll, which. So I don't know if I've ever seen or not. And people would probably only watch that off the back of this. [00:15:17] Speaker A: Yeah. I might watch Troll just to see what it's like, but from the sounds of it, it's not anything like this. [00:15:24] Speaker B: I know as well I think it's a VHS in one country for this film has a front cover that's got a kid in that's not in the film, who's holding a troll dollar and being chased down a corridor by a werewolf that's holding an axe. So what? Figure that one out. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, it's like a Russian dollar craziness, isn't it? [00:15:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:15:53] Speaker B: This film and its publicity and how it was brought out, it's just like weirdness tacked on. Weirdness. [00:15:59] Speaker A: Yeah. That's crazy. That doesn't even make any sense. [00:16:05] Speaker B: Nah. [00:16:09] Speaker A: Right, there you go. At one point in the film, when they arrive at Nilborg, I think it's the kid Josh says, where is everybody? And then the father turns around and says something along the lines of, it's really late and everyone's probably asleep. You know what farmers are like. And I was thinking, it looks like it's about 12 o'clock in the afternoon. 1 o'clock in the afternoon. So why are they all in bed? They. They just sleep all the time. And then obviously everyone comes out when they drive off. Like 30 men come out of what? Look out the window of one building. [00:16:50] Speaker B: Oh, it's weird. I. I mean, I don't know whether that's mistranslation or just craziness or. But it doesn't make any sense. [00:17:01] Speaker A: Yeah. And. Yeah, yeah, the bit when they get to the house, they're about to start, sit down and start eating food, and Grandpa Seth turns up and he's like, you have 30 seconds to think of a plan. And then the kid spends like three minutes walking around the table thinking, what can I do for this to stop them from eating this food? And then obviously, he pisses all over the food. Don't see him piss on the food. But that's what he does. For some weird reason. [00:17:31] Speaker B: But that's responsible for probably the best line in this film. The father, josh, whatever you don't piss on. Hospitality I won't have. [00:17:45] Speaker A: Is great. But the funny thing is, when the father starts undoing his belt, I honestly, honestly thought that he was gonna piss on Joshua. To be like, this is how you get treated for pissing on the food. He starts doing the belt up. I was like, all right, he's tightening his belt. I thought he's gonna piss on him. Genuinely thought. He's like, yeah, this old teacher, you little bastard, I gotta piss on you. [00:18:10] Speaker B: I thought you were gonna kick the crap out of him with a boat. When I first saw it Yeah, I thought you were getting hided, but no, I genuinely says something like, you won't hit him, don't you? Or something like that. [00:18:20] Speaker A: Yeah, don him. What, what does this sister say? He needs a big spank for being such a little or something on those lines. Yeah, she's not. He's not a little. He's just sensitive. He's sensitive. He pissed all over your food. But my, my thing with that though is, is when he does that is like, you got 30 seconds. It's like an episode of Dragon Balls. It's like the freezer saga of Drambo. The planet will explode in five minutes. Like 10 hours later, the planet explodes. Thirty seconds to think of an idea. Three minutes later, he finally decides to do something. Cuz they're all frozen in time. [00:19:03] Speaker B: And I mean, you could have said three minutes, couldn't you have three minutes? You'd still a short span of time to come up with a brilliant plan. [00:19:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:14] Speaker B: I'm not sure if pissing all of our dinner is a brilliant plan, but it's the best the kid had. [00:19:19] Speaker A: Yeah, but yeah, I honestly, when he started undoing his belt, I looked at the Mrs. Mr. I thought she was gonna piss on the kid. I'm like, yeah, I'm with you there. I thought it was gonna be like tit for tat. [00:19:35] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:38] Speaker A: Obviously what happens next in the film is. Or the next thing I remember is cuts to the boys in the woods in the camper van, the boyfriend and friends and a woman turns up. And for some reason one of the boys starts chasing around screaming at her. And then Cap catches her. And my, my thought is, why would you randomly chase a woman through the woods? Why? Yeah, it's like if someone you knew or who's gone missing or like, oh my God, it's just like, oh, there's a woman, let's chase her. Why? Why? That's like me going up the mountain, seeing a woman and just chasing after her for the fun of it. For no other reason. [00:20:24] Speaker B: No, it is crazy. It doesn't make any sense. I think, you know, I'm assuming that they were making out, he was trying to help her. But yeah, you know, chat and do you need any help? Might have been better than just randomly running after we know. Explanation. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Exactly. But it didn't come across. It just came across as like, yeah, I'm a creepy guy chasing some woman. Brilliant. And also, one thing I have to say about the goblins, the masks are dreadful. [00:21:03] Speaker B: How dare you say that about masks that have been used in multiple Films, they're awful esp. You realize that. That these masks have been reused and reused. Apparently one of them was from the original troll. [00:21:17] Speaker A: I think N. There's the. The thing is they also so inconsistent. It's like most of them have no ice. And then there's one or two that have like these really massive big bulging stupid eyes and they are fucking. They're not like they like funny if that makes sense. I was laughing especially my missus loved the big eyed one. She thought it was hilarious. The big eyed goblin. What films have they been used in then? [00:21:52] Speaker B: I. [00:21:57] Speaker A: Hello. Cut out again, man. [00:22:04] Speaker B: Oh, sorry. Have you ever heard of ATOR at all? [00:22:07] Speaker A: No. [00:22:07] Speaker B: It's like Conan made on a three pound fifty budget. [00:22:11] Speaker A: No, I'll have to check out them. [00:22:14] Speaker B: And there's a goblin in that who makes swords or something. And it's one of the masks out of this. You'd. If you saw that film you'd recognize which goblin it is straight away. It's very obvious. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Is it the one with the bulging eyes? [00:22:27] Speaker B: No, it's not the bulgin eye one. It's one of the more normal ones. But I don't think between the films it's altered at all. And I know other props apparently in this film prop up like through other barbarian type fantasy films and stuff. [00:22:42] Speaker A: So strange. Yeah. I thought the. The masks were. Were crap. Funny like, but kind of crap. [00:22:50] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:55] Speaker A: And obviously when that woman is called by that guy, the goblins chase. Capture them chase him. Well they don't capture. They chase him into a house where they meet the credence, the crazy druid who isn't a druid. And then this is the. The famous line they read in her. And then they lead me. Oh my God. That. Which seems to be the most famous thing of this film because it was awful. They're eating her. Then they leaked me. Oh my God. It's literally that. It's stupid. [00:23:36] Speaker B: Clips of that have been watched over 7 million times on YouTube. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:42] Speaker B: And reposted by a cat after account apparently. So like a cheap way people with farming engagement on YouTube was to post that. [00:23:51] Speaker A: Ah, right. I'm gonna be using that in my stuff when I just. Oh my God. When I do a review of something and it's like really bad, I'll be like oh my God right at the end or something. I think there is. I can understand why that line is. Is infamous because there's no emotion there at all. And then the oh my God at the end is really, really, really stupid. Hilariously. [00:24:23] Speaker B: So there's something important you need to realize about the people in this film. [00:24:28] Speaker A: They're not actors. [00:24:31] Speaker B: Well, only in the loosest way possible. The entire cast, background people, main role people, main dad. Everybody essentially turned up to auditions for this film believing that they were being involved in casting calls to be extras. So all thought they were going to be extras in the background of a film. You know, the majority of them ended up proper lead roles. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Damn. [00:25:01] Speaker B: So it's just like me or you going, oh, they're making a film down the road. Maybe I can go, you know, be thug number five on the right or something and just get my name on a film. [00:25:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:11] Speaker B: Be told. No, actually, you're the main love interest. This is your script. [00:25:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:25:16] Speaker B: By next week. [00:25:18] Speaker A: That is. That is awful. [00:25:20] Speaker B: But that was a dentist and apparently for years he's just found it funny to, like, you know, drop it into conversation between dental work that he was once in a film. [00:25:31] Speaker A: And then people ask, wa. And then he explains. [00:25:38] Speaker B: I know. Some people in this film apparently didn't see the film till, like, years and years after it come out and it was randomly on TV and they saw the film they'd been in. [00:25:50] Speaker A: What do they think? What do they think? Oh, this is a wonderful film. I'm glad I was in this. It's probably a good experience, like, you know. [00:25:57] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, there's been quite a few cast reunions and stuff. And they all seem to get on and have a laugh with each other and it's like, you know, they seem proper solid, like they enjoyed the thing together even though they reckon it was horrible to film because of the lack of a language. Yeah, you know, the language barrier and all that. But apparently the director is very angry with them. [00:26:21] Speaker A: At the time. Or. [00:26:22] Speaker B: No, no, still now. At one time, he crashed a Q and A and was screaming at them all that they were liars and they were, you know, bespurging his good name. And he got escorted out because he made that much of a fuss and they were allowed to stay and answer questions. [00:26:40] Speaker A: That's terrible. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Still says that. You know, this would have been a work of art if not for everybody's messing it up. This was supposed to have a sequel as well. Well, Troll three, not Troll two Part two. [00:26:55] Speaker A: Oh, right. Well, when an actual troll pops up is a. Yeah. [00:27:00] Speaker B: Apparently he wanted to film a promo for number two while. Well, number two, part two, while Troll 2 was being filmed. And the promo would have been the kid running into a McDonald's buying a cheeseburger, screaming and running out of McDonald's a real shame that never got filmed. I'm sure McDonald's would have loved it. [00:27:26] Speaker A: One of the things I wrote, Derlock, is where the. Is the troll? Like, I know I knew nothing of this film really, so I didn't know there was no troll in it. I assumed it was about a troll. [00:27:41] Speaker B: Well, you would do, wouldn't you? [00:27:43] Speaker A: I genuinely like. Well, where the. The troll gonna turn up? Nope, no troll. [00:27:51] Speaker B: I'd seen this back when it came out, and then I'd seen it a few times since, but I'd not seen it for over 10 years. So I'd remembered, like, key moments but not the whole thing. [00:28:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I. I've never seen it, and if I have, I've wiped it from my memory, so. [00:28:10] Speaker B: Because there was a stage, like late 80s, early 90s, where every movie was some little creature. There was like, the ghoulies that came out the toilet and the munchkins and whatever. And I think little miniature killer things was just a phase that kind of. The movie world went through. [00:28:29] Speaker A: Yeah. After Gremlins, probably. [00:28:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that was it. Gremlins came out, really, you know, big money. Everyone loved it. So everyone's like, what can we have that's small, that tries to eat people? How can we make it on three pound fifty? [00:28:44] Speaker A: Yeah. I don't even think they put three pound fifty in this. [00:28:49] Speaker B: Wow. Apparently, one of the actors in it as well was in and out of a mental asylum during the making of this film. [00:29:00] Speaker A: During it? [00:29:02] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:03] Speaker A: Damn. [00:29:05] Speaker B: It's one of the villagers. And it. It sounds bad to say, but I'm pretty sure it's the one that actually looks crazy. And even he. When he's. No, he's like, oh, the shop guy. Yeah, I think that might be him. And he said when he's watched it back, he realizes that all the bits in it when he's looking weird and stuff weren't actually acting. It was just him off his rocker. [00:29:31] Speaker A: Damn. [00:29:32] Speaker B: Which I suppose, you know, there's method acting and method acting that's even more in depth than Nick Cage. [00:29:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. This film was a weird one. And one of the things I liked as well was Grandpa Seth going, right, here you go, have this. And it's like a fucking Molotov cocktail. Go on. You set a fire, got the fire extinguisher. It's like, really. [00:30:05] Speaker B: After this. That kid could blame anything on his granddad, couldn't he? [00:30:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, yeah. [00:30:11] Speaker B: Believe it. [00:30:12] Speaker A: Grandpa Seth told me to do it. Well, the end of the film, all the goblins are dead and yet. Yet they not dead because they there eating the mother. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I forgot that completely. I thought this ended on a happy ending, so. Because I clearly remembered the goblins die and them going away and thought it ended. Wow. This actually had a bummer ending where the bad people won. [00:30:39] Speaker A: Yeah. They're just eating Joshua's mother. Just Norman on her like. [00:30:44] Speaker B: Yeah. Which makes less sense when you know, they were going to film a promo for the next one where Joshua's buying hamburgers or whatever. Cuz it very much looked like he'd stuffed it. [00:30:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Unless he got out of there in time. [00:30:57] Speaker B: Well, yeah, I guess so. [00:30:59] Speaker A: He's like this, I'm leaving and I'm off to buy a burger from Mackie's. Yep, must be it. [00:31:09] Speaker B: This film. How long do you think it took to film? [00:31:13] Speaker A: A week. [00:31:16] Speaker B: Three weeks. Which I think is a blink in terms of films. [00:31:20] Speaker A: It is. Yeah. I was trying to be facetious. Five minutes. Yeah. It seems like it was a low budget film that. As quick as possible. And yeah. You can tell that the people in there are not actors because they can't act. [00:31:45] Speaker B: No. I actually think the kid in it is probably one of the better ones. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I would agree. Joshua's probably. He's probably the best in the film. I know. If that's saying that he's a good actor. I don't know if that's saying he's like a really good child actor or if everyone else. The father's pretty good as well. Yeah. Especially with the belt thing. Like does the belt up. Yeah. Well, I could. I. I went through hunger pains when I was younger. I could do it again. [00:32:12] Speaker B: I do actually like the crazy goblin magician lady as well. [00:32:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:17] Speaker B: She's a bit pantomime and she. But it's very pantomime. [00:32:21] Speaker A: It is. [00:32:22] Speaker B: You can tell that she just didn't have any fucks and was just going like, I'm gonna act the hell out of this. I'm gonna make sure people remember me. [00:32:33] Speaker A: Shame that none of them are still acting and gone. Gone big after this. So we brought up every now and again, but like the same every so often. Individual come around like SL Troll 2. [00:32:49] Speaker B: The closest I can think is if you've seen Critters 3. That's the first film with Leonardo DiCaprio in it. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Critters is. I've seen several of them. I don't know which ones. [00:33:06] Speaker B: I love all the Critters films. Critters four is probably the worst. [00:33:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:12] Speaker B: Because Critters four, they Go into space and it's like a crap Critters alien rip off. I'll even watch it. It's acceptable. And then they did a Critters. Well, I was gonna say Critters five, but I think it's just called Critters Attack or something. About 10 years ago, the only thing I've not seen is they did a Critters TV show. I don't think it's ever been shown in England. [00:33:35] Speaker A: I never knew, though. [00:33:37] Speaker B: Yeah, it was about the same time as they did that. Critters Attacks. [00:33:42] Speaker A: Fair enough. [00:33:44] Speaker B: But that's the thing that sucks about being English. We miss out on loads of stuff because it's like, I want to see that DC show, Creature Commandos. And that's not. [00:33:52] Speaker A: Yeah, you mentioned that. Yeah. [00:33:59] Speaker B: And if we do, it's on some weird sky channel. And if you don't have sky, you've shot it, or it's on Now TV or it's on Paramount or. You know, things are spread so wide. Unless you've got a subscription to 95 services. [00:34:12] Speaker A: I know. It's like, at least while sky is expensive and is to have sky, at least 10 years ago, when it was just sky, you had. You had one bill to pay. Now it's like to watch everything you need. Sky, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Paramount Plus, Hulu no Less, American Shudder and more and more, more, more. It's just, it's. It's getting to the point now where there's just way too many streaming services. [00:34:49] Speaker B: They're getting more expensive. I mean, I just decided to can. Disney plus is going up again. [00:34:57] Speaker A: I had a free year with my phone, so I need to check when that's gonna end, because when it does, I'm canceling. [00:35:04] Speaker B: I've said with Disney plus, like, whenever a big Marvel series or film or a couple come out, I'll have a month and have a, you know, crazy weekend where I watch it morning till night and then unsubscribe again. [00:35:16] Speaker A: That's the way to do it, really. I think that's the good thing about street, the services. There's no subs. Like, there's no contract with subscription. [00:35:27] Speaker B: Give them an idea. [00:35:30] Speaker A: You could have a month every now and then instead of being stuck there for a year or two. I don't. I think they. That's the thing. Netflix reported the highest bloody year on record or something last year or this year or whenever it was, and then they still like up the prices. And it's the same with video game companies. They like our record profits, records, profits. Let's count off the team so the shareholders can get more money. Yeah. [00:35:56] Speaker B: It's crazy, isn't it? [00:35:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:59] Speaker B: You'd think, you know, success would equal job security and it doesn't. You can have a successful film or game and stow it canned. So what? What's the point in them working hard to some degree? [00:36:12] Speaker A: Yeah, no, I get that. [00:36:14] Speaker B: Congratulations. You've got the award winning game of the year. By the way, here's your P45. See you later. [00:36:20] Speaker A: Exactly. It's shocking. One of the lines I've got written down here from Troll 2, man, I know when it was. I can't remember everything that was said, but is a little tickle. And she's done about chainsaw in the kid who's like, oh my God, him. Yeah, well, that he can't. Even though he's being chopped. He. He's laughing while being cut with a chainsaw because obviously it's a little tickle to him. [00:36:54] Speaker B: He is the award winning worst actor in it. [00:36:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:58] Speaker B: God bless him. You know, he's so memeable that, you know, despite being the worst actor on set, he's come off this as the thing that's probably remembered the most and the most famous out of the film. [00:37:11] Speaker A: Yeah, agreed. Is there anything you would like to add before we wrap up? [00:37:20] Speaker B: I'd only say the thing I really love about this film and films of this ilk is if you're a nerd like us, watch this. And this makes you think, I could make a film. I could do better than that. It honestly does give you faith that you could write, produce, direct, probably provide the music for an edit. Something better than this. If you had a year and a little bit of financing. [00:37:48] Speaker A: Exactly. I would agree with her. I'm going to make a film now. Give me three weeks and you'll see Troll 3 in cinemas. That's a joke. Oh, dear Jesus Christ. And it's not going to be about goblins, it's not going to be about trolls. It's going to be about some other orcs. There you go. Orcs. Orcs are going to be killing. It's going to be called Troll 3. Yeah, go me last question before we end then is what would you rate the film? [00:38:28] Speaker B: Oh, it's hard as a serious. As a serious rating for whether it's a good film or not. I would give it a three. [00:38:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:40] Speaker B: For a rating on do you want a laugh and do you enjoy things being cheesy and crap and stupid? I'd give it an eight. [00:38:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:51] Speaker B: You know, it depends if you're trying to go in for this for a good film. No. But if you want to watch something with a friend or somebody and just be astounded by how stupid it is, then it's a good film. [00:39:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I can't really disagree with it there. I would definitely say the film is terrible, but at the same time it's good because it's. Because it's so bad. One thing about this, right, I was looking at the genre it's in. It's in horror, comedy horror. And I was thinking, is it actually a comedy, intentionally comedy horror, or is it so bad that people are classing it as a comedy horror even though it's meant to be a horror because it's an 18 rated film? [00:39:31] Speaker B: Yeah, I think it. It's just a horror film that is funny. I don't think horror intended in comedy. Intended in the actual producing of it. [00:39:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I think it was just meant to be like straight horror. Seems that way. Well, I think that is gonna be us for this episode. We'll be back. Well, I say we'll be back. Who might not be back? Who might be back? I can't say anything, but we should be back with Plague Dog soon. We were gonna record that the same time today, but unfortunately neither of us got around to watching it, so. Yeah. Thank you for taking Parker. [00:40:16] Speaker B: Thank you for having me on. It's always a pleasure. [00:40:19] Speaker A: Always have a pleasure having you on as well, dude. Take care, everyone. Bye bye and thank you for listening. [00:40:26] Speaker B: Bye.